Wednesday, February 1, 2012

turns out, patience isn't my strong suit

I am a control freak. I've known it all along; I love controlling things at work, and at home. I love having a 'handle' on things, and more than I care to admit, I like routine. That said, I want to talk about how I've been feeling emotionally lately.
I've been having a very hard time with not knowing when this little lady will be here. The anxiety set in about 2 or 3 weeks ago. I've since calmed down a bit. I try and tell myself that for centuries, women never had due dates. Neither did they have ultrasounds, or epidurals. But really, talk about a guessing game. Their calendar was based on full moons. I really have nothing to complain about. I need to keep reminding myself of this....but in these modern times, with (too much) information 'out there,' it's not easy for me. You hear often that first babies are usually late. But I swear, practically everyone I know, or every article I read, talks about early first babies so I gladly set upon myself the expectation that mine would be early as well. For once in my life, I felt compelled towards optimism (meaning, I for some reason want her early, so I'm believing it's going to happen). But it's screwing me over emotionally. I know I need to just let it go. She'll come when she's ready. I don't want to rush anything! But not knowing when to stop working, when to stop making plans, when to stop driving on the freeway by myself just in case....I'm not loving it. Yes, I'm physically uncomfortable and ready to have my mobility back, but more-so, the end of this pregnancy has been harder mentally. At least I have plenty to keep me busy, and a husband to keep me grounded. I'll continue the day-by-day....
(photo seen on sho & tell. Tick-tock, tick-tock... ;)

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